Losing Myself
by Savoy Truffle
Summary: Harry is away from the Dursleys and finally living with Sirius. For the first time in his life he feels wanted. What happens when that it all destroyed when Sirius hits him. Contains smoking, drinking and mild swearing. Will get better in the end.
1. Fun With Ron

Disclaimer: This is a new story that I wrote before Gains and Losses. The chapters are much shorter because I used to write really short chapters. This story doesn't have much magic in it but it is pretty sad. Major angst. Well please read and review!  
  
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Losing Myself  
  
Chapter 1  
  
Fun with Ron  
  
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A certain rat was caught running around the streets. This rat was Pettigrew. He was sent to the Ministry and of course Sirius was finally freed from Azkaban. He was immediately granted custody of Harry and Harry was finally able to live with him. Sirius, Harry and Remus were now living all together...  
  
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"Sirius! I'm going hang out with Ron!" Harry yelled.  
  
"Okay, but be home by 9:00!" Sirius yelled back.  
  
Harry grabbed his jacket and ran down the street to the burrow. Sirius bought a new house near the Weasleys' so that Harry could over there to play with Ron during summers and breaks. Harry knocked on the door and waited for the reply. Nobody answered. He waited a couple of minutes and suddenly the door open slightly andhe was pulled into the house.  
  
Standing in front of him was a very scary looking creature. It had a humans body but instead of a normal head it had a purple and brown face and an extremely big nose. Boils covered the face. Harry screamed. Not just an ordinary scream but an extremely high pitched scream, very much like in the horror movies.  
  
The creature pulled off his face revealing a normal face. A very familiar face...it was Ron! Ron pointed at Harry and started laughing.  
  
"Haaaa! You scream like a girl!"  
  
Harry blushed. It was his fault, he was born that way.  
  
"Oh, shut up!"  
  
Ron stopped laughing but it was obvious that he wasn't over what had just happened.  
  
"Soo... How's living with Sirius?" Ron said, changing the subject.  
  
"It's great! Sirius is so cool! And Remus is really nice too!"  
  
Ron looked slightly jealous. His parents weren't exactly cool.  
  
"Um... Come into the kitchen, Mum's made cookies"  
  
Harry followed Ron into the kitchen where Molly Weasley was. She was standing over the stove, slightly frustrated. It seemed as if she was trying to cook something. That something looked very similar to troll bogeys. Harry shivered.  
  
"Stupid stew!" she cursed. "You're supposed to be chunky!"  
  
Mrs Weasley spun around noticing the two boy standing behind her.  
  
"Oh hello Harry, nice to see you! Please, have a seat"  
  
Harry and Ron sat down as Mrs. Weasley gave them each a huge plate of cookies. They scarfed them down quickly. They were famished.  
  
Ron got up from the table and pulled Harry up and dragged him into the other room.  
  
"Don't stay in the kitchen with my mum ok? She's in a horrible mood. Believe me, you don't want to be near her when she's in a bad mood"  
  
Harry flinched.  
  
"Okay..."  
  
"Wanna go play Quidditch?"  
  
"Sure!"  
  
Ron walked over to the closet, opened it and grabbed two old Shooting Stars. He handed one to Harry. They both ran out the back door into the Weasleys' practice field. Ron pulled out a Golden Snitch and threw it up into the air.  
  
"Let's see who can catch the Snitch first!" Ron said.  
  
They swung their legs over their broomsticks and kicked off into the air. The Shooting Star Harry was riding was nothing like his Firebolt. They played for what seemed like hours.  
  
Once they had enough Harry had caught the Snitch thirty-seven and Ron had only caught it twice. Harry was too good for him.  
  
"Man, you're good" panted Ron "I'll never be as good as you, seeing that I suck."  
  
"Come on Ron, you're not that bad"  
  
Harry rolled up his sleeve to check the time on his watch. It was 10:45.  
  
"Oh no! I'm late! I have to go! Bye Ron"  
  
Harry ran out of the backyard and bolted down the street to Sirius' house. He opened the door and standing in front of him was a very angry godfather.  
  
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Disclaimer: Ooh cliffy! Next chapter coming soon. Please review. 


	2. Sirius' Mistake

Disclaimer: This is the most important chapter. It is the cause of the whole story. It's a little sad too. Sirius is kind of strict. Please review!!!  
  
Here are the answers to last chapter's reviews:  
  
Little Miss Arwen: Thank you for reviewing.  
  
Elessar: He will at the end.  
  
soulless: It's okay if you don't like it, I'll just try harder  
  
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Losing Myself  
  
Chapter 2  
  
Sirius' Mistake  
  
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"Where the hell have you been? Do you have any idea what time it is?" Sirius yelled.  
  
Harry opened and closed his mouth wordlessly, he had nothing to say. He had never seen Sirius get this angry before. It was scaring him.  
  
"It's eleven o'clock, I asked you to be home at nine! Another hour and I would have had the Aurors looking for you! Where in the almighty universe were you?"  
  
"I-I lost track of the time. I was having too much fun. I was going to call you but I forgot"  
  
"Did you have any idea at all that your godfather might be worrying his head off and afraid to call the Aurors because there is a 99 percent chance that Fudge would send you back to the Dursleys . But of course, like usual, you were to busy having fun!."  
  
Remus who had been sleeping on the couch was now awake, watching them wide- eyed.  
  
"Padfoot come on..." Remus began, but Sirius turned on him.  
  
"You better keep your big, fat mouth shut Remus! You're always taking Harry's side about everything!"  
  
"I said that I was sorry!" yelled Harry.  
  
"Of course you didn't mean to" Sirius said "You never mean anything! All you say is a bunch of stupid rubbish! You never think, actually you never even use your head at all!"  
  
"Sirius, please calm down! Stop screaming!" yelled Remus  
  
"Shut your fucking mouth Remus!" Sirius yelled back  
  
"Don't yell at him!" Harry shouted  
  
Sirius turned away from Remus and slapped Harry so hard that it knocked him against the wall. Harry's head banged against the wall causing him to fall to the floor.  
  
Suddenly it was deathly quiet. They had all frozen. Sirius had never hit Harry before. Never. Remus' mouth was wide open. Sirius ran over to Harry. Harry was still lying on the floor his eyes closed shut.  
  
Harry quickly open his eyes as Sirius ran towards him.  
  
"Harry are you okay? I'm so sorry!" Sirius cried  
  
"Don't touch me! Don't you dare touch me you monster!" Harry screamed  
  
He jumped up from the floor and ran out the door as fast as he could.  
  
"Harry!" Sirius yelled  
  
Harry continued to run. Sirius ran out the door.  
  
"Harry, I didn't mean to!"  
  
But Harry was already gone. Nowhere to be seen.  
  
Harry was running away. It was clear to him that Sirius didn't want him around. But even if he did, he still wouldn't stay. Nobody would ever hit him again.  
  
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Disclaimer: I always wondered what would happen if Sirius hit Harry or something like that so I wrote this story. I had nothing to do in Science so I wrote the first two chapters there. Then I wrote a new chapter in every class and by the time I was finished the story it was 14 chapters long. So...expect a 14 chapter long story. Please review! 


	3. Unhappy Godfathers

Disclaimer: I feel sooo bad for Sirius in this chapter. I hate it when he cries. The Remus in this story is kind of lazy, he sleeps a lot. Enjoy! Please review!  
  
Here are the answers to last chapter's reviews:  
  
Anon: Part of this story is based on 'The Outsiders'. It just sounded similar because I had just read the book and the lines were still in my head. I changed it when I realized how close it was to the book.  
  
Squirt's Big Sister: What's an Imobulus curse? Harry is only acting this way because he became so close to Sirius and never expected him to slap him. I wouldn't take it well. Where did you get the Mary Sue stuff from and ...um...there is no 14 year old girl in this fic.  
  
H.P.otter5: Yay! You like my story!  
  
Sexy Black: Thank you for reviewing, I'm glad you like it  
  
Vasques1987: Chemistry class, Science class... all good writing places.  
  
amyaggie: Thanks for your review!  
  
Pure Black: I'm glad that you like my style, it makes me feel loved! Yay! I'm loved!!!  
  
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Losing Myself  
  
Chapter 3  
  
Unhappy Godfathers  
  
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"What have I done?" Sirius cried.  
  
Sirius was sitting in an armchair with his head in his hands. Remus was sitting cross legged on the couch beside him.  
  
"This is all my fault!"  
  
Remus didn't say anything because he knew that it truly was Sirius' fault. He just simply put his arm around him and let him cry. He didn't want to hurt his feelings.  
  
"That's it, I'm going look for him!"  
  
He and Remus got up, grabbed their cloaks and ran out the front door. They searched everywhere. Hogsmeade, Hogwarts, even the Dursleys. They searched for hour and found no sign of Harry. He was nowhere!  
  
Four hours passed and they were now at home. Sirius was on the verge of tears. He was crying into one of Harry's shirts. Suddenly there was a loud crack causing Sirius to jump. He thought it was Harry. Unfortunately it was just Dumbledore.  
  
"So? Any news?" Sirius asked.  
  
"I talk to Stan"  
  
"Who's Stan?"  
  
"Stan Shunpike, the driver of the Knight Bus"  
  
"And....?"  
  
"They haven't picked him up"  
  
"Oh..." Sirius said quietly, more tears forming in his eyes.  
  
"I must go back to the Ministry, they want to know what's going on"  
  
And he dissaparated.  
  
"NO!" Sirius yelled "NO! NO! NO! Why is this happening to me?"  
  
Remus slowly entered the room. He calmly put a hand on Sirius' shoulder.  
  
"Calm down Sirius, calm down. Everything's gonna be okay."  
  
"How do you know that? He could be bleeding to death in a ditch right now!"  
  
"I'm sure he's okay. We're gonna find him, I promise. Everything's is gonna be back to normal. He will come home"  
  
"But what if he doesn't? What if he's already dead?"  
  
"Well...Um..."  
  
"I need him! I can't go on without him! I love him so much!"  
  
"And he loves you too. Sirius, he's okay, I promise"  
  
"Jesus" Sirius chocked  
  
He fell backward onto the couch. He closed his eyes and took deep breaths, tears were rolling down his cheeks. He lay there till he got himself together. Remus was happy that he had stopped crying.  
  
Sirius got up from the couch and went to the bathroom to change into his pyjamas. He had just finished dressing when he noticed Harry's cologne on the counter. He grabbed the bottle and sprayed a little on his wrist. It smelt like Harry.  
  
Tear began to well up in his eyes. He looked at Remus.  
  
"Sirius..." Remus began gently  
  
"I can't take it anymore!" Sirius yelled "Who knows where he is! My little baby could be dead right now! Somebody could have killed him!"  
  
"Sirius, I'm sure that no one..."  
  
"My precious little boy could be dead! Dead! Gone forever!"  
  
"Sirius, come on..."  
  
Tears splashed down Sirius' face. Not knowing where Harry was, was too hard on him. It was killing him.  
  
He ran out of the room, still holding the cologne bottle and into his bedroom. He jumped into his bed, buried his head into his pillow and continued to cry.  
  
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Disclaimer: Poor Seewee! Please review! 


	4. The Raiders

Disclaimer: Harry does some stupid things in this chapter. Things that he would never do in the real books. Pleas read and review!  
  
Here are the answers to last chapter's reviews:  
  
um: Harry reacted that way because he never expect Sirius, of all people to hit him. It is NOT plagiarism. And Remus and Sirius live together because they are best friends...and Remus isn't exactly rich. Thank you!  
  
hghghg: Yes that part was based on the Outsiders.  
  
Squirt's Big Sister: I know, Sirius is girly but I'd expect him to take it hard if his godson ran away. WHAT MARY SUENESS? And what 14 year old American girl!?!?  
  
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Losing Myself  
  
Chapter 4  
  
The Raiders  
  
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"How dare he?" Harry muttered to himself  
  
He was running down a deserted muggle street. He had decided that he would never return to his godfather. He would just survive off the money his parents had left in his Gringot's vault.  
  
But how could Sirius have done such a thing? Harry thought that he loved him. He never expected someone as sweet and nice as him to hit him and yell at him that way, he thought it was impossible. The moment Sirius' hand touched him, his whole world went crashing downwards. Everything that had ever happened to them disappeared like magic.  
  
"Hey you!" a voice called out  
  
Harry spun around and found himself facing a street gang of five tough looking boys.  
  
"Me?" Harry asked.  
  
"Yeah you! Who are you?"  
  
"I'm Harry Potter"  
  
"What are you doing here?" asked the same boy  
  
"I ran away from home"  
  
"So you're a runaway?"  
  
"Yeah, I guess. Who are you guys?"  
  
"I'm Daniel Kockel. This is George Plant, John McCartney, Richard Vogel, and Dhani Harrison. We've been sharing a trailer together for about 5 years."  
  
"What happened to your parents?"  
  
"Some of our are dead and some of our kicked us out of the house. My parents used to drink a lot so I ran away. Anyway, as you can tell we are a street gang. We call ourselves the Raiders"  
  
Harry had heard about the Raiders before. He had seen them on the muggle news before when they had vandalized someone's house. They were very well known for causing loads of trouble.  
  
"Say Harry, would you like to stay with us while we are on the run?" asked John.  
  
"Yeah, sure"  
  
The Raider led him to a small trailer behind the abandoned ice cream parlour. The went inside and sat down on the mismatched chairs in the small living room.  
  
Harry looked around at his five new friends. Two of them were smoking and the other three were drinking.  
  
"You want a cigarette Harry?" asked Richard  
  
Harry stared at him for a moment. He had never smoked before; he knew that it would ruin his life. Then again, he needed to fit into his new group.  
  
"Um...Yeah, sure"  
  
Richard handed him the cigarette. He took a puff. It was marvellous! (A/N: Please don't smoke peoples, it's really stupid!) It was a feeling that he had never felt before, so different, so pleasant. But he knew that someday it would ruin his life.  
  
"So, why did you run away for?" asked George  
  
"My godfather got mad when I got home late tonight, well, yesterday night seeing that it's almost three."  
  
"And..."  
  
"He hit me. He had never hit me before, he was always so nice"  
  
"Damn, that's tough. But don't worry you'll get used to being without him, we all have"  
  
They all talked about themselves until they got really tired and decided to sleep. Harry followed them into another room with five camp beds and a couch.  
  
"You can sleep on the couch" said Dhani  
  
Harry plopped down onto the couch, closed his eyes and fell asleep. He would never see Sirius again and couldn't be any happier.  
  
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Disclaimer: Harry seems to be taking it well. Please review!!! 


	5. Raindrops

Disclaimer: Here's the next chapter. Sorry that my chapters are so short but this isn't one of my good stories. The chapters were originally even shorter but I'm trying to make them longer. I don't like short chapters either.  
  
These are the answers to last chapter's reviews:  
  
Confused: It's cigarettes but it is the first time for Harry so it's different. And yes smoking does ruin your life!  
  
Squirt's Big Sister: Yeah, my Harry would.  
  
RosieCotton: Thank you for reviewing!  
  
Srialb: Before making them do things I think * would this happen in real life? *. I'm glad that you like it!  
  
Pure Black: I like it when people think I'm cool! YAY! Thank you for reviewing!  
  
H.P.otter5: It's angst, Harry's supposed to be a little harsh. Thank you for reviewing!  
  
spygirlfive: I'm trying to make them longer  
  
I can see Thestrals: I don't like when Harry gets embarrassed either...except in humour stories.  
  
Eric2: Yup, all cool!  
  
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Losing Myself  
  
Chapter 5  
  
Blood and Raindrops  
  
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Three months had passed since Harry had run away and Sirius and Remus still hadn't found him. Ron and Hermione had just started their 6th year and were anxiously waiting for Harry to return.  
  
They had still not heard a thing from him. Molly was convinced that Harry's disappearance was Sirius' fault. But it didn't really matter anymore. They had long since declared him dead and given up the search.  
  
Harry's disappearance was extremely hard on Sirius. He spent all his time sitting at the window praying that he would see Harry walk by or something. He would not communicate with anyone and kept on mumbling incoherent words to himself. If Harry's name was ever mentioned (which was a lot) he would break down into tears. He was dying (Not literally).  
  
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The Raiders were walking down the streets in the pouring rain. It was cold but they didn't care. They were a street gang; they were supposed to be tough. It would be so embarrassing if one of them would cry.  
  
Harry looked quite different now then when he arrived. His hair was longer and pulled back into a ponytail. He lost some weight and since he was wearing Dhani's loose clothing he looked much smaller than he actually was.  
  
They walked past a small convenient store. George was about to run in but suddenly they heard footsteps. The six of them spun around and found themselves face to face with a group of kids. They were a street gang like the Raider only worse.  
  
There were eight of them instead of six and they were all much bigger than the Raiders. They were tall and wide and had evil looks on their faces. Harry knew that he would be getting hurt.  
  
The biggest boy reached out and grabbed Harry, of all the Raiders, by the neck. The five remaining Raider ran away, down the street, leaving Harry alone with this unknown crowd.  
  
The boy circled Harry and began to beat him up. They punched him, slapped him, kicked him, and scratched him. They continued this until they found that Harry had, had enough and left him lying in the middle of the street, a bloody lump.  
  
Harry lay there in the rain, watching the raindrops fall from the sky. He knew he was going to die.  
  
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Sirius was sitting alone by the window watching the raindrops fall from the sky. He wondered if Harry was watching the rain too. Harry and Sirius used to always sit together by the window and watch the rainfall.  
  
He had just wasted his whole day praying that Harry would come home. He missed him so much. It felt as if half of his soul had been taken away from him.  
  
Remus walked into the room to check up on him. He sighed when he saw that Sirius was still sitting at the window. Why was this happening to him? He put a hand on Sirius' shoulder.  
  
"How are you doing?"  
  
Sirius stopped muttering and looked up at Remus. He had an empty, faraway look in his eyes.  
  
"How would you fell if your son ran away from home and... d-died?"  
  
"He's not your son"  
  
"Well it feels like he is"  
  
"Why don't you go for a walk? It would do you good."  
  
Sirius took Remus' advice and went outside. He stared at his feet as he walked through the rain. He was near a convenient store when he saw a boy lying in the street. The boy was covered in bruises and gashes and his clothes were soaked with blood. At first Sirius thought the boy was dead but his eyes were open and he was still breathing.  
  
Sirius came closer to the boy and realized that he knew this boy.  
  
"Harry?!"  
  
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Disclaimer: Well... a cliffy. I'll post the next chapter soon. Please review!!! 


	6. Home

Disclaimer: Here's the next chapter. Somebody reviewed and mentioned something about Harry yelling at a 14 year old American girl in my story and me having a Mary-Sue in it. Um...Where did that come from? I don't have any of those. And Harry's 15, not 13! Please review!  
  
Answers to last chapter's reviews:  
  
lyss33: Yay! Thank you for reviewing!  
  
Lady Arwen of Rivendell: I've had nothing to do lately but stay on the computer so I spent a lot of time updating my story  
  
ChildOfDarkness: Yeah, I know, mean bullies. I hate cliffys too!  
  
I can see Thestrals: Yeah, horrible friends!  
  
Little Miss Arwen: Yup, cliffies help.  
  
Sirius-gal-4-eva: I'm glad you like it!  
  
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Losing Myself  
  
Chapter 6  
  
Home  
  
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"Oh my God Harry! It's really you!" Sirius cried as he saw his godson lying in the cold street.  
  
He bent down over Harry to hug him. The beat up boy turned away. Sirius tried to look into Harry's eyes but Harry would let him. He kept on turning away.  
  
"Get away from me!" Harry snapped "Don't you dare touch me, you monster!"  
  
Sirius felt a sharp pain in his heart. Harry was acting nothing like he used to.  
  
"Harry you're hurt. You need to come home to me and Remus so that we can help you"  
  
"Your house isn't home! It never will be! And I am definitely not coming back!"  
  
Sirius finally managed to look into Harry. They were no longer a beautiful shade of green. They were now a dull grey, nothing like before. Sirius gasped causing Harry to look away quickly.  
  
"I am taking you home right now! You need medical attention and that's what you're going to get! Now I just..."  
  
"No! You can't make me come home with you!"  
  
Suddenly Harry started moaning and his eyes started twitching and rolling around in all directions.  
  
"Harry!" Sirius cried  
  
Harry's head lolled to the side and he fell unconscious. Sirius bent down closer to him and began gently tapping the sides of Harry's cheeks. They were deathly cold. He pressed to shaky fingers to his neck to check for a pulse. It was still strong.  
  
"Harry, wake up! Come on it's me Sirius!"  
  
Harry showed no sign of noticing anything. Sirius quickly picked up his limp form and ran down the street. He needed to get him home.  
  
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Remus was sitting in an armchair reading a book about depression that he had found in a muggle library. He planning to show the book to Sirius once he got back his walk. He hopped that it would help, he hated seeing his best friend sad, it broke his heart.  
  
The werewolf was about to turn to the last page when the door flew open. It was Sirius.  
  
Sirius ran into the room. He was holding a body, the body of a boy that Remus had never seen before. Tears were rolling down Sirius' face. He looked from Remus to the boy. Remus noticed how the tears coming from Sirius' eyes were getting larger and faster.  
  
Remus approached them and took a good look at the mysterious boy. The boy was Harry! He couldn't believe it.  
  
"God! Is this really him?"  
  
Sirius nodded.  
  
"Where did you find him?"  
  
"I found him bleeding to death in the street. I'd say that some street gang did it"  
  
Sirius carried Harry into to his room and laid him down on the bed. He removed Harry's blood soaked clothes and healed all of Harry cuts. The bruises would have to heal on their own. He dressed him in a pair of his own pyjamas since Remus had thrown out all of Harry's clothes.  
  
Sirius tucked Harry into bed and sat down on the bed next to his unconscious godson. Remus stood in the doorway, watching the way Sirius was to Harry. Sirius didn't notice. He rested a hand on Harry's cold cheek and help Harry's hand in his. He let his tears fall freely onto the bed.  
  
"Sirius, it's been a long day, I think you should get some sleep" said Remus suddenly  
  
"I want to be there when Harry wakes up. Awake."  
  
"I doubt you'll make it"  
  
Sirius shot Remus a dirty look and crawled under the covers next to Harry and held him in his arms. He closed his eyes and fell asleep.  
  
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Disclaimer: My friend Melissa didn't want me to write a story like this, but I did it anyway. Please review!  
  
This story is NOT finished! Okay, you can review now. 


	7. Letters and Raiders

Disclaimer: Yes, part of this story is based on the 'Outsiders' but I did not plagiarize! I never noticed how similar the second chapter was to the book until I read it over and I changed it right away. It just seemed similar because I had just read the book that day, I would never copy anybody's work. If anything else seems similar please tell me so that I can change it. And somebody wrote something about me copying 'The Price of Love'. I didn't! I wrote this story about a year ago, before that story came out on Fan Fiction!  
  
I know that a lot of you think that Sirius is a little too feminine in this story. So do I. But I would expect Sirius to take it hard if his godson ran away because of something that he did. Also, a lot of people think that Harry is over reacting. Well, Harry grew up with a horrible family and when he got to live with Sirius, he finally felt loved by somebody. I'd think that he'd take it hard because he thought that Sirius loved him. He'd never expect his perfect new father to hit him.  
  
Just so you know Sirius will not be acting very feminine anymore. It will all change. He will become pretty strict in the eighth chapter because of something that is going to happen...but I can't tell you what *evil laugh* muhahaha! Thank you! Please review!  
  
Answers to last month's reviews:  
  
lyss33: Thank you!!!!  
  
Pure Black: Thanks? Did you like it or not like it?  
  
Sirius-gal-4-eva: No, he wont die.  
  
ILOVETOWRITE456: Thank you for reviewing!  
  
Eric2: I'm gonna stop with Sirius and his feminine personality  
  
I can see Thestrals: You do that too?! So do I! I always think about stories all day long after I read them! I thought I was insane. Guess not! Lolz! Thank you for reviewing!  
  
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Losing Myself  
  
Chapter 7  
  
Letters and Raiders  
  
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When Harry woke up the next morning he felt somebody's arms around him. He recognized this person as Sirius, the man he would never forgive. How did he find him? Everything from last night came to him as a blur.  
  
He carefully slipped out of his godfather's grasp, hoping that he wouldn't wake him. He went over to the mirror, gasping at the sight that he saw. Hi face was covered with bruises and his left eye was swollen shut. His arms were also covered with bruises. He also noticed that he was wearing a pair of Sirius' pyjamas.  
  
He spotted the clothes that he had been wearing the night before drying over a vent. He grabbed them and quickly threw them on. He found a quill and a piece of parchment on Sirius' night table and quickly scribbled Sirius a note telling him that he would be with his friends.  
  
He put the note on Sirius' chest and silently made his way, trying not to wake Remus. He walked down the now familiar street full of stores in desperate need of renovations He spotted the Raiders hanging around a beat up car.  
  
"Hey guys" Harry said as he ran up to his gang  
  
"Wow! Harry dude, nice marks" said Daniel "Is that what happened yesterday?"  
  
"Yeah" Harry grunted. He obviously wasn't happy "And now because of those idiots my godfather found me and I'm stuck living with him again"  
  
"Man, that really sucks!" said George  
  
George handed Harry a cigarette and lit it for him. Harry popped it in his mouth and took a puff.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Sirius stirred and opened his eyes. He noticed that Harry was no longer next to him. He began to panic.  
  
"Harry?"  
  
There was no answer.  
  
"Harry, where are you?"  
  
Still there was no answer, just complete silence. Sirius noticed that the pyjamas that he had lent Harry were now on the floor and that the other clothes were gone.  
  
"Remus!"  
  
Remus ran into the room. He knew from the expression on Harry's face that something was wrong.  
  
"What happened?" Remus asked  
  
"Harry's gone!"  
  
"Oh no! Not again!"  
  
Remus spotted a piece of parchment on Sirius' bed.  
  
"Look Sirius, there's a note!"  
  
Sirius ran over to the bed, and grabbed the parchment. He read what was written on it.  
  
"It's a note!"  
  
"What does it say?"  
  
Sirius read the letter aloud:  
  
"Sirius, I left the house early to go hang out with my friends. Don't worry about me, I'll be back later. And please don't go out looking for me!  
  
P.S. Just because I wrote you this letter doesn't mean I forgive you.  
  
Sirius was relieved that Harry was okay. But did he have to add the P.S.?  
  
"We're out of milk. I'm going to pick some up" Remus said suddenly  
  
He left the room and made his way into the kitchen. He grabbed some money out of a glass jar and left for the convenient store. As he was walking down the street he noticed the Raiders.  
  
Remus had seen this group in muggle newspapers whenever they would get into trouble. He was not very fond of them. But it was one of the boys in the group that caught his eye. The boy was Harry. Something he was holding also caught his attention.  
  
A cigarette!  
  
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Disclaimer: Cliffy!  
  
I got the Raider names from people that I know and famous people that I like: Daniel Kockel is this guy that I have never met but is a friend of my friend Martine. George Plant = George Harrison + Robert Plant. John McCartney = John Lennon + Paul McCartney. Richard Vogel = Richard Starkey(Ringo Starr) + Martine Vogel(My friend). Dhani Harrison = Dhani Harrison(George Harrison's son). I suck at making up names.  
  
Please review! Thank you! 


	8. Werewolves and Cigarettes Don't Mix

Disclaimer: Sorry that I took so long. I decided to use yesterday to work on my other story 'Gains and Losses'. Here is the chapter you've all been waiting for! Please review!  
  
Here are the answers to last chapter's reviews:  
  
Srialb: Sorry that I took so long *wipes tear* sorry!  
  
Sirius-gal-4-eva: I'm glad you like it...I LOVE YOUR NAME!!!  
  
Pure Black: You'll see...*evil laugh*  
  
sins: There are!  
  
obsessedw/hpbutitsok: Thank You! Peace to you too!  
  
I can see Thestrals: Thank You!!! FINALLY! Somebody agrees with me!  
  
Lady Arwen od Rivendell: YAY!!! You love my story!!!  
  
Eric2: I don't think I'll make the whole chapter have to do with smoking.  
  
lyss33: Here's the next chapter!  
  
blackenedsoul: Thank You for reviewing!  
  
Loopy Luna Lovegood: If someone like your story clap your hands *clap* *clap*! I love your name! It's sooo cool!  
  
Vasquez1987: I made Harry do something stupid like that because it's bad and if he gets caught I can make an interesting chapter out of it. That and I wanted to change Harry completely and I always wondered what would happen if Sirius caught him smoking. And I agree with you, people do smoke to make themselves feel better about themselves but it's still really stupid. I don't think Sirius wants Harry ruining his life with them. Thank you for reviewing!  
  
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Losing Myself  
  
Chapter 8  
  
Werewolves and Cigarettes  
  
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Remus couldn't believe his eyes. Harry was standing right in front of him, a cigarette in his mouth, laughing with the most famous street gang in England! But the cigarette was what caught his eyes first. Of all the people he could spot smoking why did it have to be Harry? Was he stupid? No. Just scared.  
  
Remus couldn't control it. He couldn't have Harry smoking and slowly ruining his life.  
  
"Harry James Potter, what the HELL do you think you're doing!?" Remus yelled as he approached the Raiders.  
  
Harry quickly threw his cigarette to the ground and covered it with his foot. He gave Remus a fake innocent look.  
  
"Um, Remus, how are you today?"  
  
"You're coming home with me this instant young man!"  
  
"Remus you-"  
  
Remus grabbed him by the back of his shirt and began to drag him down the street, yelling the whole way. Harry hated it when werewolves got ugly.  
  
Once they reached the front porch Remus opened the door and threw Harry inside. Remus grabbed Harry's shirt again and dragged him into the kitchen, still yelling. Sirius, having heard the yelling came running into the kitchen.  
  
"Guess what I found Harry doing today?" Remus yelled  
  
"What was he doing?" Sirius asked  
  
"Smoking! The idiot was smoking!"  
  
"What! Harry is this true?"  
  
"Yes" Harry said in a small voice.  
  
"Are you stupid?! I thought you were smarter than that!"  
  
"I'm sorry"  
  
"You're sorry? YOU'RE SORRY! How could you be so stupid! Smoking!"  
  
"And he was hanging out with the Raiders" added Remus  
  
"The Raiders?!" yelled Sirius "You were hanging out with the Raider?! Are you trying to get yourself killed?"  
  
"I'm sorry BLACK but it's my life and I can do whatever I want! You have no authority over me!" yelled Harry  
  
"I will not be spoken to like that! I am you godfather and you will listen to me!"  
  
"And what if I don't want to?"  
  
Harry ran out of the kitchen and up to his room. Sirius was lost for words. What had possessed his godson? And how come all of a sudden he was calling him Black? He was so worried, but he didn't know what to do.  
  
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Harry was lying down on his bed with his face in his pillow. He soon got bored so he pulled out the bottles of beer that he'd been hiding under his invisibility cloak under his bed. He opened one of the bottle and quickly gulped down the contents. After his first bottle he went to his second. And his third and fourth and so on. He finished hi sixth but decided to stop. He put the unopened bottles back under his invisibility cloak and under his bed.  
  
He tumbled over to his desk and ran down on it. He was really dizzy.  
  
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Sirius was reading the daily prophet in the kitchen. He wondered why Harry was being so quiet and began to get worried. Maybe something bad happened like suicide or Voldemort. He ran up the stairs to check up on him. He opened the door. What he found was a big surprise.  
  
Harry was drunk!!!  
  
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Disclaimer: Ooh, another cliffy!  
  
PLEASE REVIEW~*~PLEASE REVIEW~*~PLEASE REVIEW~*~PLEASE REVIEW 


	9. The Effects of Beer

Disclaimer: I wrote this chapter on a fieldtrip and me and my friends were imitating the scenes. I got to be the drunk Harry and Lizzie was Sirius. It was sooo funny!  
  
Yes this story is supposed to be funny as well as sad. I just didn't put it as humour because it isn't exactly the kind of thing that you would laugh at. But I find it a little funny and so do some of my reviewers.  
  
Please Review!!!  
  
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Losing Myself  
  
Chapter 9  
  
The Effects of Beer  
  
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"Harry?!" Sirius cried, his eyes in danger of falling from his sockets  
  
Sirius watched as his drunken godson swayed on his feet, laughing at completely nothing. One look at the beer bottles on the floor told him exactly what was wrong with Harry. He was drunk! How could Harry have done such a thing, he had never acted this way before, it wasn't like him.  
  
He slowly approached his godson, hoping that he wouldn't do anything.  
  
"Harry?"  
  
"Wa do oo wan?" Harry replied with a scary smile on his face  
  
Sirius grabbed Harry by the arms an attempted to make Harry sit on the bed. After a lot of struggling Harry finally sat down. Sirius sat next to him. He put a hand on Harry's leg to keep him from getting up again.  
  
"Harry, calm down. Deep breath"  
  
"I fine Bla, I jus fine"  
  
"Harry, you're drunk! What the hell were you thinking?"  
  
"I tol ya Bla, I jus fine"  
  
"No Harry, you're not fine! You just made a very stupid mistake. Do you know how mad drinking is? Do you know what it can cause? Alcoholism, liver damage, heart damage. Do you want that to happen to you?"  
  
"Lisn' Bla, I cun do wa I wan"  
  
"What happened to you? What happened to that sweet little boy that I used to take care of, the nice, generous Harry that was always helping others. And most of all, what happened to my Harry, Lily and James' son? I don't like the new Harry, I want the old Harry back"  
  
Suddenly Harry snapped back into focus. He glared at Sirius.  
  
"So you don't want me huh?"  
  
"Harry, that's not what I meant"  
  
"I should have known! Nobody ever loved me anyway. I'll just do exactly what you want me to do!"  
  
"You're gonna stay?"  
  
"No, I'm gonna leave! And don't expect me to come back. Ever!"  
  
Harry jumped off the bed and ran out of the room. Sirius ran after him.  
  
"Harry, you misunderstood me! That's not what I meant!"  
  
Harry didn't listen. Sirius chased him downstairs, up to the door. Sirius grabbed his shirt.  
  
"Harry stop, don't go!"  
  
Harry pulled his hand away.  
  
"Fuck you Black"  
  
Harry opened the door and ran outside, slamming the door in Sirius' face. By the time Sirius had opened the door to run after him Harry was nowhere to be seen.  
  
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Disclaimer: This chapter was really short sorry. But at least it wasn't a cliffy. Please review!  
  
H*A*R*R*Y~*~P*O*T*T*E*R~*~H*A*R*R*Y~*~P*O*T*T*E*R 


	10. Damn! The Police

Disclaimer: I HATE this chapter!!!  
  
Why does everyone think my Remus in out of character? I don't think he is. In the books he was sweet, nice, calm and was good to talk to. He is in my story too!  
  
PLEASE REVIEW!!!  
  
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Losing Myself  
  
Chapter 10  
  
The Police  
  
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Harry was gone again! Sirius couldn't believe it. He had failed Lily and James again. Sirius sat down at the kitchen table and buried his head in his hands.  
  
'I'm such a horrible godfather' he thought  
  
Sirius burst into tears. He wanted his godson back. The old Harry, not the monster he had become. It hurt him to see Harry the way he was. Cigarettes, beer what would be next? He wished Harry would go back to being his old happy self.  
  
Remus walked into the kitchen and noticed Sirius crying. He went sit next to him and put a hand on his shoulder.  
  
"Sirius what's wrong?"  
  
"Harry ran away again!"  
  
"Aw shit not again! What happened?"  
  
"He was drunk and-"  
  
"Drunk?"  
  
"Yes, drunk! I told him that I didn't like the way he was acting and he thought that it meant that I didn't want him anymore."  
  
"That's horrible! I'm going look for him"  
  
"What's the point? He doesn't want to come home anyway"  
  
"Sirius I think he would be better off here"  
  
"Don't bother, he'll just run away again"  
  
"Okay, whatever"  
  
Remus went back downstairs into the basement. Sirius went into his room. He laid down on his bed and buried his head into his pillow.  
  
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Harry was running down a deserted alleyway. Sirius had really blown it this time. He was definitely never going back. He would rather go hungry than do back to that hellhole.  
  
"Hey you!"  
  
Harry spun around. Standing in back of him was a little boy of around ten. He was wearing expensive looking clothing so Harry suspected that he was from the a wealthy muggle family.  
  
"What do you want?" Harry asked  
  
"Get out of here you filthy peasant! You dirty people belong in hell so get the hell out of this neighbourhood!"  
  
"Excuse me?"  
  
"You heard me, get out of here!"  
  
Harry got annoyed at this little shit. He grabbed him by the front of his 'wealthy' clothing and threw him to the ground. The poor kid had a frightened look on his face. Harry jumped on him and broke a couple of his ribs. Harry bent down and started banging his fists into the boys face and stomach. The boy started to cry.  
  
Harry jumped up and was about to kick the boy when he saw flashing blue and red lights. All the colour drained from Harry's face. It was the police!  
  
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Disclaimer: Waaa! I miss the old Harry! Just four chapters left of this story!  
  
R*E*V*I*E*W~*~R*E*V*I*E*W~*~R*E*V*I*E*W~*~R*E*V*I*E*W 


	11. Woo hoo, The Answer To Alot Of Questions

Disclaimer: This chapter is where Harry turns to the good side! Yay! Please review!!  
  
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Losing Myself  
  
Chapter 11  
  
Someone To Turn To  
  
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Harry's eyes widened as he watched two policemen get out of the car and come toward him. He was scared. He hadn't ever got into this kind of trouble before, even when he was with the Raiders.  
  
One of the policemen held his arms behind hid back and the other placed hand cuffs around his wrists. Once the cuffs were completely locked, Harry was dragged over to the police car and thrown in. The two policemen got in and began to drive away.  
  
"I've never seen you before you must be new at this. So many kids getting into trouble these days." said one of the policemen "My name is Bob and this is Malcolm"  
  
"My name is Harry Potter, nice to meet you"  
  
"Such a nice boy, you definitely don't act like a fugitive"  
  
"I'm not exactly a bad kid. My godfather and I aren't exactly on excellent terms right now. We got into a fight this afternoon and I kind of lost it"  
  
"That's tough, I went through the same thing with my father. My mother died when I was four and I was forced to live with him. He used to have a drinking problem and never treated me very well. We got into a fight and when I was 16 he kicked me out of the house. I went to live with a friend who was trying to become a policeman. We went to school together and now we're both policemen. My father actually helped me in a way. What happened to your real parents?"  
  
"They died when I was a baby. They...um, got hit by a drunk driver"  
  
"Poor child. So you went to go live with your godfather?"  
  
"No, I went to live with my Aunt Petunia and my Uncle Vernon. They treated me like crap and my godfather had to get me out. I almost died there. I thought my godfather was different but he's just like them"  
  
"I'm sure that he isn't. If he saved you from a horrible family and took you into his home then he must love you. Whatever happened was probably just an accident"  
  
"I hope so"  
  
Harry and Bob got deep in conversation until they got to the prison. Harry had decided that Bob was somebody that he could trust.  
  
When they got to the police station Malcolm ran off somewhere and Bob was left to bring Harry inside. Bob didn't have to drag him in because he knew he wouldn't run away. He simply put a hand on his shoulder an they walked in together.  
  
Bob led Harry to a large desk where the head sheriff sat. Harry was suddenly scared.  
  
"So what is he in for?" asked the sheriff  
  
"He beat up a boy in the street"  
  
The sheriff flipped through the book that had been sitting on his desk. He muttered something and then closed the book.  
  
"That's a violation of rule 999. We'll have to call your guardian to come bail you out. You'll have to stay in a cell until he arrives. I never want to see you here again, do I make myself clear"  
  
"Yes Sir, never again"  
  
"That's a good boy. Now, I need the name and number of your guardian"  
  
Bob removed his handcuffs. The sheriff handed Harry a sheet with spaces to write Sirius' name and number. Harry was glad that Sirius had a phone, unlike most wizards. If he didn't the sheriff would be suspicious.  
  
He quickly scribbled down Sirius' name and number. He handed his sheet back to the sheriff. He read the paper for a moment and nodded.  
  
"Thank you. Now Bob, take Mr....what your name?"  
  
"Harry Potter"  
  
"Yes I'll have to take that down. Take Mr. Potter to his cell. Number 9 is free"  
  
Bob led his to one of the prison cells. He motioned for Harry to sit on the bench attached to the wall. Harry sat down, put his face into his hand and burst into tears. Bob kneeled down next to him and placed a hand on his shoulder.  
  
"Don't worry Harry, everything's gonna be okay"  
  
"I'm just not used to this, Sirius is gonna be so mad. He's gonna beat me just like Uncle Vernon used to. How could I have been so stupid!"  
  
"Everybody makes mistakes"  
  
"I know but I can't control myself anymore. I keep on doing stupid things and losing control of my anger. I just want it all to end and become my old self again"  
  
"Why don't you have a long talk with your godfather, maybe he can help you."  
  
"Because I'm scared. He keeps on yelling at me and won't listen to anything I have to say. I hate admitting it but I'm afraid of him. We used to be really close but now we're drifting apart"  
  
"Talk to him, trust me. If you avoid him you'll just continue to be afraid of him. When I was mad at my father I would talk to him and that helped our relationship. But still he continued to get drunk. But your godfather isn't a drunk, you have a chance"  
  
"I guess. Thank you, you're a great person to talk to"  
  
"No problem! Here's my card if you ever want to talk"  
  
Bob handed Harry a white card and left his cell. Harry was still frightened about what would happen when Sirius arrived.  
  
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Disclaimer: Now you know why Harry reacted so harshly when Sirius hit him, the Dursleys BEAT him. So many people asked me why Harry was so mad about getting hit. But anyway, Harry passed out when Sirius hit him. I would get mad too.  
  
------P*L*E*A*S*E~*~*~*~R*E*V*I*E*W---- 


	12. Crappy Short Chapter!

**Disclaimer:** Sorry that I took so long! *ducks from flying tomatoes* I've been starting another story for fictionpress and another fanfic. I changed around Invisible Child and put it onto fictionpress and I'm writing a sequel to it. If you want to read it my pen name is Myss Rubiez. But I don't know if it's up yet, I can't get into it.

There are three chapters left to this story. This one. Another one. And another on. The last one is where everything goes back to normal. Yay!

Please read and review!!!

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**_Losing Myself_**

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**_Chapter 12_**

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**_The news_**

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Remus was sitting in an armchair in the living room watching Sirius. Sirius had gone back to his mumbling state and this time it was worse. This time he would stop to bang his head on the window every couple of minutes.

Suddenly the phone began to ring. Remus pretended to be asleep so that Sirius would get up and get it. It worked! Sirius growled and picked up the receiver. He put it to his ear.

"Hello?"

Remus watched as Sirius' eyes grew wider and wider as he listened to the police on the other end. Only Remus didn't know that it was a police.

"I'll be there!"

Remus quickly closed his eyes and pretended to be asleep again. Sirius began to shake him furiously.

"Come on Remus, wake up! Something happened to Harry!"

Remus bolted up in his seat.

"What happened?"

"He's in prison!"

"What did he do?"

"He beat up a kid in the street and got caught"

"Oh shit!"

"Come on, we need to bail him out!"

Remus and Sirius grabbed their coats and jumped into Sirius' car, Sirius in the driver's seat. It was a long ride. Sirius was so pissed off that that he kept on coming close to getting into car accidents. By the time they got to the prison Remus was shaken up and _extremely _car sick.

"Are you okay Moony" Sirius asked his green friend

He watched as Remus threw up out the window. Once he was done he gave Sirius a dirty look.

"I'm driving home!"

They got out of the car and ran into the prison. Remus was still clutching his stomach. Sirius ran up to the sheriff's desk while Remus tagged behind, a little green.

"We are here for Harry Potter" said Sirius

"Ah of course! Follow me! Such a nice boy, most unlikely to commit a crime of such sort"

The two Marauders followed the sheriff as he led them to a prison. Sirius looked around and noticed a stone bench on the wall. Sitting on this beach was a boy crying into his hands. This boy was Harry. Harry looked up at Sirius with his bloodshot eyes.

"Come on Harry, time to go home" Sirius said

Sirius pulled Harry up and they walked to the car. Harry had never been more scared in his life. He didn't know what would happen in the car ride home. Would Sirius hit him again?

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**Disclaimer:** Remus acts a little different, I know. But I always make him a little different around Sirius. You know so that his Marauderness shows a little more. Yup…llolz!

Next chapter should be up soon. Please review!


	13. Stupid Vernon!

**Disclaimer:** There is still one more chapter after this one so don't stop reading just yet. The last chapter is when everything goes back to normal (JOY!) but they start to go kind of soft in this chapter too. This chapter is kind of sad though. I feel SO bad for poor Harry! *wipes tears* Waaa!

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**_Losing Myself_**

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**_Chapter 13_**

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**_Nightmares_**

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Sirius angrily dragged Harry to the car. Both Remus and Harry could see that he was trying really hard to control his temper and not loose it. 

Remus sat in the drivers seat and Harry sat in the back seat. To Harry's bad luck Sirius sat next to him. For half of the drive home nobody spoke. Remus drove, Harry looked down at his lap and Sirius watched him from the corner pf his eye. It was obvious that Sirius was very angry.

Harry was afraid though. Maybe Sirius was just like his Uncle Vernon and would beat him just like Vernon did. He didn't want that to happen, it was horrible when his uncle did it and Sirius was even more fit than Vernon. That plus Harry knew that Sirius had metal toe boots and guns somewhere in the back shed. He really didn't want Sirius to use them on him.

He hoped that he wasn't like Vernon. Just about seven months ago Sirius and Remus had found Harry bleeding to death in his cupboard because of his uncle's abuse. His uncle had hit him, punched him, cut him with his knife and shot him. And even worse he had rapped him. Harry had to spend almost two months in St. Mungo's, recovering from the damage. The healers were all surprised that Harry didn't need any psychological help. He did now though.

Sirius and Remus had helped Harry once he was brought back from the hospital. They helped him get around the house, they taught him how to walk again, they even carried him around when he was too weak to walk any longer. The one that helped Harry the most was Sirius. He would do whatever it took to make Harry feel loved and to let him know that what the Dursleys had told him wasn't true. In the end he had gained Harry's trust and Harry was finally back to his old self.

Harry thought that Sirius was different. He thought that he was the perfect parent that would never hurt him. But when Sirius hit him three months ago everything changed. He would think of Sirius as a younger, stronger and more fit Vernon. And it scared him, he didn't want the same thing to happen again. It was too much last time, way too much for him to handle. He was only able to get through it with Sirius and if Sirius was gone he wouldn't be able to get through it at all.

After a while Harry forgot about everything, he was so tired. He leaned onto Sirius' shoulder and fell asleep. Sirius smiled gently at hid godson's slumbering form and gently brushed aside a few strands of Harry's unruly locks from his face. He loved it when Harry would sleep with him, Harry used to sleep with him when he was recovering from his uncles abuse in case something happened. While Harry was recovering he was in major risk of heart attack and was to be supervised at all times. Little did he know that Harry was having a horrible nightmare. A very horrible nightmare indeed. 

//He was sitting alone in his bedroom at Sirius' house. Hedwig was gently hooting and Harry was silently writing a letter to Ron. He handed the letter to Hedwig and watched as she flew into the dark night sky.

_Harry slowly put his ink, quill and parchment away and tiptoed to his bed clutching the picture book Hagrid had given him in his first year. He sat down and began to look at the pictures of his parents. It was scary how much Harry looked like James. Only James had hazel eyes instead of green and his nose was slightly longer. Everything else was identical. Once he reached the end of the book Harry placed his book back on his night table. As he was pulling back his arm he accidentally knocked down his lamp. He quickly jumped up to pick it back up and tipped over the whole table causing a loud crash. The lamp was broken and the table was now missing a leg. _

_Suddenly the door flew open and a very angry Sirius entered the room. He had a very mad look one his face and his eyes were flaming. You would think that he was actually a mass murderer and was guilty for the crimes he was framed for._

_"Look what you've done you stupid boy!" he yelled_

_"I'm s-s-sorry"_

_"I don't care if you're sorry boy! How dare you mess up my house you pathetic idiot! You should be punished for this…actually, you will be punished!"_

_Sirius grabbed Harry by the front of his robes and pinned him to the floor. He snarled as he looked down at his frightened godson. Harry was shacking like mad, he didn't know what Sirius was going to do next. Nor did he want to._

_"You're gonna pay! I just got a new toy that I want that I want to try out and it would be a pleasure to try it on you. I hope you like it"_

_Sirius pulled something out of his robe pocket. Harry's eyes widened as he identified what it was. It was a whip! Sirius was going to use a whip on him!_

_Sirius turned Harry onto his stomach and brought down the whip on his back, leaving a deep gash. He repeated this several times. He stopped and pulled out his wand._

_"This is so that you don't breathe a word about this to anyone"_

_Harry wondered what Sirius was going to do._

_"Avada Kedavra!" _

_"NOOO!"//_

"Harry wake up! Come on Harry please wake up!" 

Somebody was shaking him.

"Oh God Harry, wake up!"

Harry opened his eyes and saw a very pale Sirius kneeling over him. He also noticed that Remus had stopped the car. Sirius wiped some hair out of his eyes and searched frantically in Harry eyes.

"Are you okay? You were screaming like mad"

"P-please don't h-hurt me! I'll be good!" Harry squeaked

"Don't worry Harry, it was just a dream"

Sirius pulled Harry into his arms, pressing Harry's face into his chest. Harry clutched at Sirius' shirt and began shaking with silent sobs. Sirius rubbed his back soothingly as Remus drove away.

"Don't worry Harry, it's okay. Nothing's going to happen to you"

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**Disclaimer:** Only one more chapter left! The chapter where everybody lives happily ever after…with crying. I want to write a sequel (with WAY longer chapters) but I have no idea what to put in them. Maybe you guys can help me. If you have any ideas for a good plot please give me you're ideas and I'll give you guys some of the credit (like a thank you in every chapter!). It would be really nice if you guys helped me. Thank you!

Also I have a challenge for you people. If you guys want to try it please email me at beatles_freak_99@hotmail.com and I'll send you a copy of the challenge. Also I'm not quite sure exactly what a challenge is (I just have some ideas) so maybe you can tell me that too…llolz!

Please Review!!!__


	14. Aw! I Wanted A Longer Last Chapter!

**Disclaimer:** This it, the last chapter. 

peter-the-rat gave me a great idea for a sequel and Sara (anonymous reviewer) gave me a great idea for a prequel. I didn't know which one to choose so I'm going to do _both_ starting with the prequel.

I just read a flyer about child abuse so I know a little more on what to put in my story. It might take a little longer to post because I already had 'Losing Myself' written before I started posting it and I haven't started the prequel yet. _Thank God though! _If I had written the prequel before it would have really short chapters like this story. But I promise that I will make the chapters of the prequel _longer_. _And the sequel too._

Prequel: Harry goes through Vernon's abuse. Sirius gets worried when Harry doesn't write back and goes check up on him. It mostly has to do with Sirius convincing Harry that he is loved and helping him become the boy that he used to be. Also he has to help Harry physically. Harry was left disabled (not permanently) and needed lots of help getting around the house. Will be really sad.

Sequel: Harry is back at home with Sirius and Remus. Harry and Sirius spent a lot of time fixing their relationship and are more comfortable around each other. Then they find out that the Dursleys are filling out lawsuits to get Harry back. Sirius, Harry and Remus try everything to prevent Harry from going back.

Well here it is, the last chapter! Please read and review!

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**_Losing Myself_**

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**_Chapter 14_**

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**_I Can Confide In You_**

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As soon as they got home Remus went back to his chair and actually slept. Sirius was about to go sit at the kitchen table but Harry grabbed onto his shirtsleeve and becan to drag him up the stairs.

"Sirius I need to talk to you"

They went into Harry's bed room and Sirius laid down on Harry's bed, resting his head on his arms. He looked at Harry.

"So what did you want to tell me?" asked Sirius

"I wanted to say that I was sorry"

Harry went lie down on top of Sirius. Sirius wrapped his arms around him. He was happy that Harry was acting more like his normal self and not the monster that he had been that morning. It soothed him.

"You don't have to be sorry. You were mad, that's all"

"Yes I do! I was afraid of you, that's why I was acting this way. Bob told me to talk to you, he said that it was the only way to overcome my fear"

"You were afraid of me? Don't worry Harry, there's nothing to be afraid of"

"I thought you would beat me just like Uncle Vernon did"

Sirius visibly paled.

"Harry, I would never hurt you, you know that. You uncle is a drunken idiot, not everyone is like him"

"I know you would never do that but-I just had a relapse, that's all"

"Don't worry Harry, your uncle will never hurt you again, not as long as you're with me. I'll never let anything like that happen to you"

"I was so scared!" Harry whispered

He clutched onto Sirius' shirt and began to cry. Sirius rubbed soothing circles on his back. Harry calmed down as he felt Sirius' comfort.

"What about that nightmare you had in the car, what was it about?"

"It was dream about you beating me. You were acting just like Vernon, it was so scary"

"What did I do in the dream?"

"First you got mad at me for dropping something and used a whip on my back, then you used the killing curse on me----God! You probably hate me now"

Sirius cupped Harry's chin and forced him to look into his eyes.

"Of course I don't hate you! I love you! You are the most important thing in my life and you mean the world to me"

Suddenly Harry pulled his face away from Sirius' warm hand and looked away. Sirius desperately tried to look into his eyes.

"Harry, what's wrong?"

Harry didn't respond.

"Harry, you can tell me, what did I say?"

"It's just that nobody ever told me that they loved me before"

"You've never felt loved before?"

Harry shook his head. Sirius tightened his grip around Harry and tucked his head under his chin as he too began to cry. The poor boy, how could he have lived that way?

"I love you very much Harry, I am here to protect you. I only do this because I love you, you're my son Harry"

Harry looked up.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I think of you like a son so I guess you are my son since I take care of you and love you and everything"

"And then you'll be my father"

"Right"

"Sirius?"

"Yes Harry?"

"Can I call you Dad?"

Sirius almost flipped. Harry actually wanted to call him Dad! It was a dream come true.

"Of course you can! That would be the greatest thing in the world!"

"Really?"

"Of course!"

"I love you Dad"

"I love you too Son"

Harry's eyes brightened. Sirius did love him! He had a family all along and never knew it!

"Don't worry Son, it's going to be okay"

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**Disclaimer:** The end! ****

If you have any ideas of things that I can add into the prequel and sequel please tell me! I want them to be better than this piece of rubbish. I don't know when the sequel will be up, I haven't written it yet but it wont be very long. I can probably write another chapter during French class tomorrow.

Please Review!!! 


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